By Rashim Nabanja
Let’s be real; Breakups are one of the hardest human experiences to deal with. It doesn’t really matter whether you ended things in a good or bad way, but as long as you are no longer with the person you once loved, life will be quite different for some time.
Whether you both agreed on the decision of parting ways, a break up can go extra to a point of causing emotional distress.
According to relationship expert, Ammanda Major, that is part of a relationship blog ‘Relate’, you may not realise it at the moment, but as time goes on, the feelings of hurt and betrayal will become less. Reminders of your relationship won’t be as painful and one day, whether it is months or a year from now, thinking of that person won’t cause the same feelings of sadness and hurt to bubble up.
However, you cannot be in this situation forever, it will have to heal at some point, the time that it takes is what matters most. Sometimes getting over an ex may take longer than it needs to, which is why we bring you some tips, that you can start with as you try to move on with your life.
Don’t keep it to yourself, talk about it.
When a relationship ends, it is usually hard to talk about it with someone else. To some, talking about it triggers all the hurt feelings that they are trying to push away so they choose to keep the pain to themselves. However, keeping pain to yourself makes it last longer than when you actually share it with someone else.
Allan Mugabi, a businessman says when he and his girlfriend of four years broke up, he was devastated. He felt like he wanted the world to swallow him, “ I kept myself locked up in my house for two weeks, the only thing I could do was eat and sleep, I didn’t even have the courage to go to work.” He adds that this hurt much because he was so focused on the relationship and was thinking about proposing.
“When my friends noticed that I was rare, they decided to pay me a visit. They successfully managed to force words out of me and apparently, it helped.”
Mugabi says when you are in a situation like he was in, you feel like no one will understand you, but when you finally share that pain with someone, even if the cant give you a solution, having a response from them and an assurance that you will be okay will give you the little comfort you need.
Share your pain. It could be with a friend, relative, a counselor, anyone you feel comfortable with. The more you talk about it, the more it starts to wear off and eventually you are off to the next step.
Usually, when people experience a breakup, they choose to lock themselves up alone and reminisce about what they have lost. This will get you into depression. The best thing you need to do is accept what happened and find ways to forget it.
Doing things you like to do with other people will lift your mood and distract your mind from ruminating about the relationship. Get busy with anything you can find. It could be work, getting into an exercise program, finding a project, hanging out more, anything that acts as a distraction works for the better.
You’ll feel a sense of accomplishment and recharge.
Another great thing to do is a getaway. Halima Najuuko, now married with three kids says after her break up, she wanted to be in a totally different environment. She felt like everything she saw reminded her of her ex so she and her best friend took off for a One-month vacation to Jinja, “ I wanted my mind off things and since I had someone to seat in for me at my shop, I planned for a getaway.”
According to Najuuko, vacations get you relaxed and if they include adventure, then you are settled. Her trip really paid off and it is where she met the father of her kids.
Cut off contact
Like the saying goes, ‘out of sight, out of mind’, if you want to get over someone, then you need to completely cut off contact with them. You can start by unfollowing them on social media, delete their phone number until you feel like you are in a more stable situation, and you have your feelings sorted out, then maybe you can talk to them.
You also need to stay away from places where you are likely to bump into your ex until you feel you are completely over them.
This is something that is crucial, at this time, you are vulnerable, and seeing them will only trigger the urge to daydream about what could have been, and you may even feel the need to try to talk with them. This is something to avoid at all costs.
Get rid of reminders
It is very important to get rid of the things that you feel remind you of your ex. As some people just get rid of clothes and those small items that their ex bought them, some go the extra mile to moving out of the house that they are currently living in. Rukia Mutabaazi says she and her boyfriend were cohabiting for over two years. When tables turned, her boyfriend moved out, living her surrounded with just memories, “ It was hard for me to move on when every corner that I turned to reminded me of him, so I had to shift.”
Rukia adds that moving to another place was quite hard but it was for the better, “I discovered a new neighborhood and in just a couple of weeks, I was a whole different person.
Think of what you won’t miss and learn from it.
If you ever had those really bad moments with your ex and they always found a way of coming back over and over, think of how lucky you are that you won’t have to experience the same ever again.
The best thing you could do is to learn from it. See yourself for the better. You need to ask yourself questions like, ‘what did this relationship teach me? What parts of it worked? What parts didn’t work for me? Did you have a role in the negative? Is there something I can do to change that in the future?’
This helps you figure out your issues and know what exactly went wrong and how you should avoid them in your next relationship.
However, in case you feel it keeps getting worse, it isn’t a bad idea to seek professional help. Talking to an expert can really help in ways you couldn’t imagine.